be free.

                 day 05 – your definition of love

Difficult question. I think it’s a lot of mental/emotional strength, sacrifice, unwavering faith/trust and the ability to live with an open heart/mind (or as we say in mandarin “能看得开”). Maroon 5 puts it very well when they say “it’s not always rainbows and butterflies, it’s compromise that moves us along”.

I think everyone has their own definition of love. I feel that love is a lot about faith/trust, to believe in someone else even when every cell in your body is screaming at you not to, that it’s doomed to fail and it doesn’t make any sense, to pull out before they drag you down with them just because this person means so much to you you are willing to overrule all logical thought processes and trust in raw emotion. It’s about having that mental/emotional strength to help you ride out the storm when times are bad, that optimism that things will pick up and get better, that there’s always beautiful sunshine and clear blue skies after every storm. It’s making sacrifices, big or small, because you wouldn’t mind giving up something important to yourself for someone else to achieve something. Selflessness. Small sacrifices, like not going for your regular weekend football session to help the other half for a school project, or big sacrifices like moving to another country to start a new life because the person landed their dream job somewhere else.

It is also doing the right thing for someone, like shattering false hopes, scolding someone, playing the bad guy and when you do it you feel even worse than the person you’re doing it to.

And I think, most importantly, it’s about an open heart, to find it in yourself to forgive them for their mistakes even if they have done it before, to piece everything together even after it falls apart. 看得开. To be able just be yourself, uninhibited- quirks, flaws and all, because it is who you are and it is accepted by those who love you.  To make the best of every moment you have together. To tolerate each other at their worst and bring out the very best in each other.

I guess until i find a better answer, this is probably it. Idealistic and naive maybe, but it keeps me going. 

                 day 04 – what you ate today

MOS burger for lunch. It’s a refreshing change over shitty cookhouse food.

                 day 03 – your parents

My parents. What can I say? They are very traditional, conservative and very chinese. I didn’t have the easiest time growing up being the first child, all i can say is they were much stricter to me then compared to with my siblings now. Dad has been doing business for a long time, he belongs to the generation that doesn’t know how to express love or pride for their kids (well, not in front of them anyway). I am still rather dependent on him I guess, because I need his financial support to finish my studies. Sometimes it worries me too, he’s not getting any younger, which is why I really have to finish and get a job quick. There’s still my siblings behind me. As for my mum, well, she’s slightly eccentric in my honest opinion. But she loves us all very much, and shows it. She’s a big music lover (all of us had to take piano lessons), she’s still learning music up to this day (Piano, violin, cello). Keeps her busy. My friends love talking to my mum, which i find rather amusing. I admire my folks a lot, because they worked their way up, from nothing to something. Twenty years ago if someone told my dad his company was going to build the pinnacle@duxton he would’ve told the person that he was mad. But look at them now. And both of them can’t speak english very well. Dad’s teochew but speaks hokkien at home because mum can’t speak teochew v well, they’ve spoken it long enough that i became reasonably fluent and i understand everything they are saying. They also have a v conservative attitude towards us kids getting into a r/s, my mum believes we can’t juggle so many things at once. They also want us to succeed where they failed (in gaining knowledge), which is why they generously fund my book buying sprees and i am infinitely thankful for. There’s really a lot to say about them, but yeah. Ask me if you want to know more lol.

                 day 02 – your first love

Oh you mean Arsenal? You know all about them. On a more serious note, I’ve never actually been in a serious (long term) r/s before, so i can’t really answer. If anything, the closest person that came to that was probably her. It was unbelievable, I did think we had a lot of chemistry and we just clicked just like that. I felt so at ease around her, i loved talking to her because she just knew everything perfectly. But it was never going to work. Because 1) she was already attached and 2) i think we both knew it wouldn’t happen certain reasons. Still, back then there were some days when i wondered if she was the one. I can’t explain why i didn’t feel as upset as i thought i should’ve been when she left. We never took photos with each other until once she just asked me to, and that’s theonly photo that i have with her. I still miss her v v much. There’s so much i want to tell her.

                 day 01 – introduce yourself

My name is Kang Hong (康弘), lots of people call me kh for short and to my poly friends i am Lance, because they cannot pronounce my chinese name properly and i have given up on them ever doing it right. I am 22 (damn i am old), born in 1988, dragon baby. I’m an optimist, I like to believe in the good of most people and I am someone who values freedom very much- I don’t like being restricted or controlled (which explains why i intensely dislike the army).

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